I weighed in this morning at 240 exactly – right on the nose. I was hoping to drop under today, but I will take this. 240 is something of a benchmark for me. When I hit 240 about 2 years ago, I started to take my weight seriously. Before that, I was aware of my weight gain and while not exactly pleased with it, I was accepting of it and just figured, “This is me. This is who I am, not a small guy. Don’t beat yourself up about it.” That may have been good for my self-esteem, but it was not good for my health. At 240, I started to change that attitude – this is not me, it’s just me overeating and not getting enough exercise, and not being disciplined enough to do something about it. And it’s unhealthy. At that time, I could literally feel my body changing – I was more tired than ever, even with plenty of sleep. I knew my nutrition was down the drain; it consisted of sugars and fatty food, very filling but not very energetic over the long haul. And while my self-esteem remained high (it usually is), I realized that liking myself was not enough to sustain me through a heart attack. If I really liked myself that much, why would I let my body go to pot like this? Didn’t I have more self-respect than that?
Yes, I do. It took a while to get from that point to this, where I’m actually taking action, but that was the start of my attitude change. I could say, “This is me,” all I wanted to, but 20 years ago, 180 pounds was me also, and I liked that me better. I was active and agile and energetic, all the things I wanted to be for my kids but can’t do at my current weight. So that was when I started to pay attention, and cringe at every pound gained above 240. When I hit 251 three weeks ago, I was positively chagrined. And that was the time I finally decided to take action – enough was enough. After one more week of non-planned dieting (i.e. I just ate far less without actually keeping track, mostly out of self-anger, and proved to myself I was ready by losing 3 pounds without even trying to count calories), I was ready to start on the road to recovery.
Don’t despair if you know you’re overweight and should do something about it, but seem to lack the mental fortitude to begin. Beginning is the hardest part – making that commitment and sticking to it is no easy task. And trying to make a commitment before you’re ready – and failing to keep it – only sets you back. It took me two years from the time I recognized I couldn’t go on like this forever, to actually beginning the process of returning to better health. And even though I’m only starting my third week of formal dieting, I have lost a total of 11 pounds and can feel the positive changes already. I can’t say I’m exactly agile just yet, but I’m less tired because I’m eating better, and I generally feel like I have more energy and spunk. And when my weight finally drops below 240 (hopefully tomorrow or the next day), I will feel like I’ve overcome a huge hurdle, and I know it will give me the confidence to continue. Because you see, just as the junky emotionally-fulfilling food was addicting, so is this. And unlike the joy of eating, the joy of weight loss is actually beneficial, to me and to my family. There is simply more incentive there.
You will get there too, just be patient with yourself and gear yourself up mentally. But don’t take forever – at some point you just have to get up and go! I have surprised myself with how well I’ve done – and how easy it’s been – once I made the decision to do it.
